WHY HE COULDN'T APPRECIATE HER LIKE THE BEGINNING

WHY HE COULDN'T APPRECIATE HER LIKE THE BEGINNING - Part 1

There's love of the beginning. Yea, this love has not been tested or proven. This beginning love that we call love at times may not be love as well but it can be love also. If it is not what it shouldn't be, but manifests as straight love, then you can expect some manifestations.

When a man and a woman falls in love, or goes into courtship especially if it is both their first time (having not burnt their fingers in any fire of relationship before), you'll observe exhilarant fire of love burning. You'll see zeal and activities that many waters can't drown. When fuel is poured into a burning fire, what happens? It glows the more. That's the nature of that first love. It's always glowing and never tired. Ups and downs of life, familiarity, offences, awareness and  fretting to meet responsibility haven't yet matched on it. So, it just survives naturally. You can call it the grasses two Loxodonto africana (African elephants) haven't fought on. The grasses don't seem to have suffered being trodden. 

This first love is characterized by long interaction at the expense of some other things, extraordinary kindness, longsuffering and burden bearing etc. Both of them will just understand themselves like that. No one will want to act the stubborn goat's role. 

Now, if their courtship quickly wraps up into marriage, let's say within six or one year of engagement, this fire of first love will still continue to burn aglow and it can still do for some time. Being with a person for a year isn't yet enough to cause fatigue because both of you are still opening new pages of your stocks to each other. There are still inventions and innovations to impress yourselves with without taking thought for it. Inspiration will aid you more. By practical practicality and experiential experience at my entry level, I know how this thing I'm describing works. 

God forbid, let's assume their courtship now tarries for years that are beginning to grow beard like 3 upward, then both of them may begin to lose the joy of the first love. Do you want to know why? What we first meet always makes us drunk. It always do us as if we should die there and be held at its court. When I look at many brethren who are just engaged around me, I always have cause to glorify God for them that they're passing through their first phase where ideas, stimulations of love, kind utterances etc come easily without incentive or an external morale. At this place, both of you are still seeking to prove yourselves to each other - that I am a responsible man and that I'm an obedient lady. So, arguments or critical ones are far fetched from you. Not even one abuse or threat to retaliate an act. Rejoice in this your day like Jesus said of John's light.

John 5:35, KJV

"He was a burning and a shining light: and ye were willing for a season to rejoice in his light."

Like John's, just know rejoicing in that natural period of love is for a season except for rejoicing in its artificial creation which will then come by your own hard work (being an active and not a benched player). This season of zealous joy is given also to balance the strenuous moments that may later dot your journey. That's why an Elijah must eat double when double is available for the journey. That way, you must throw yourself to the escalation of all the benefits that zealous love has to offer. Like we collect cocoa pods without leaving one behind, clean-gather all the benefits of that period.  

After both of you might have known each other very well with nothing hidden again (with or without sex; married or engaged), you'll become stiff. Some in their relationship (courtship or marriage) can go this mile than others. While this first joy ended within a short while of some people's relationship (either as married or engaged), it continues to heat more for like say 3-4 years for some before they enter into the phase of "by power and might." The first is by "spirit's phase." Acts of love just comes naturally to you to do. Being sacrificial doesn't look burdening then. You'll even boast of your being caring, obedient or sweet.

When your spouse looks as if he's no longer caring however, both of you have found yourselves out. That thing has crept in. That nature of man that always expend the best at the beginning and never takes thought to reserve the best for the end has crawled over you. That shows you're blood and flesh created to be man indeed. Jesus however acted contrarily to this in John 2 and it's only a man with the insights and practicality of how the best can be reserved for latter time that will pass.

John 2:10, KJV

"And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now."

When there's nothing suppressing love in you, it is easier expressing it. Even the Psalmist said, 

Psalms 42:5, KJV

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me?..."

Have you seen a reed before or a plant that couldn't stand erect? Such bows down. That status depicts depression, burdening, tiredness etc. If anyone gets here, their once upon charming spouse that they eulogize day and night may seem to have been evacuated from the centre stage. The man whose voice they want to hear for assurance now becomes dung to them. It's not their intentional doing but what it means being just a man is just catching up with them. 

At this stage also, your spouse may no longer be the thought entering your mind often. It may be work, other crush or obsession (person or thing). In his or her mind, "I've possessed you already. If you've been this secured, why run around like a fellow still seeking approval."

Don't be deceived by the illusion of a "better spouse" also, whom if you've gone for, same thing would have repeated itself. Aren't you still getting it that all men and women are the same?

You can also ask those who get to the end of their zealous stage, their mind begins to look for the next challenge. You know, a muse. Something to spend yourself on before having open eyes and waken sense again. This is usually practiced by men and that has made many men raiders of the treasure trove who just check in today and check out to check in with another tomorrow.

Somehow also to them, their wives may just have lost that savour which could be felt in how poorly they adore her now. A fellow that's always verbose whenever you send him pictures that's now doing summary writing is revealing a testimony of what can catch up with men. Yet I heard, 

Isaiah 40:30-31, KJV

"30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: 31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

The end of zealous love and the beginning of serious love is where you'll begin to know what it means to be loyal to the marriage vow that says, "forsaking others to cling to you, both in convenience or inconvenience; health or sickness etc" Marriage vow is one of the dangerous vows in the world because as soon as you take it (just like any other vow), you can't but be tried and be at the peril of violating it. Meanwhile, what is permitted for others isn't so for you. You're called to make it true. 

The stage where natural glowing fire of love ceases burning is natural and would come to anyone in relationship. Despite the experience of this stage, you can intentionally create by effort the glowing of this joy and love by doing simple acts like:

a. Word of affirmation

b. Gift

c. Touch

d. Service

At the initial stage, these four would come naturally but after the stage's expiry, you'll have to work them consistently in deliberateness if you want to have joy and know peace. 

Olusola ADEJUMO,

M'Wings.

Morning Wings Ministry, Nigeria. 

+234 81 3704 6812

morningwingsministry.blogspot.com